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Dear You
dymond phillips • Jul 04, 2017
I promise this is the last time i’ll try to explain this to you: my feelings and why we can’t do this anymore.
I met you at a crucial time in my life, we got together and literally a month later my whole life came crashing down in front of me and i’ve honestly never been the same. 2013 was the worst year of my life and the years after didn't seem to get any better. Nothing was constant in my life, my friends came and went, i moved within the same state twice, and then to two different states within the past two years. I've been stressed depressed and underdressed. I’ve lost sight of my passions, wants, and needs. I have honestly been the hottest mess that this world could have seen. You know what was constant though? You. Most of the time you were always there when i needed you and wanted you. You were always there to make me smile, laugh or even listen to me cry.
As you know, i live in a fantasy world of disney princesses and happy endings. That's all I wanted from our relationship, a happy ending. A marriage, kids, and happiness. Now i realize those are things you couldn't give to me. I now know that as much as you want to, you’ll never love me the way i loved you. Which is good. i loved you because of the consistency you gave me. I could predict what would do, when and where you'd do it. And at that point in my life I needed consistency. I knew when we’d break up. I knew there'd be another girl. I knew you would come back with your long paragraphs and "I’m sorry". Even when I talked so much shit to my friends I knew deep down I was going to take you back. Our pattern was consistent, and I needed that in those years of twist and turns. I owe you an apology actually, because i let you do these things to me but expected you to be this perfect prince who was supposed to treat me like Snow White, i wanted so desperately for you to be my prince charming. So desperately. When in reality i’m not Snow White, I’m Princess Tiana. It took me some time to realize it but I am. I say this because Snow White waited for her prince to come and save her from her sad life. Tiana wanted to change her life herself, she dreamed big and kept hope alive for her dreams, she just so happened to find a man along the way to shorten the story.
We used each other in different ways, physically, mentally, even emotionally. Recently you tried to travel back down that vicious cycle. You broke up with your girlfriend and text me how much you miss me, you all of a sudden want to talk to me on a ‘daily basis’, and i told you no - I’m done going back and forth. I’m done being your second choice, i’m done not being enough. At the end of the day I’m more than enough, it took so time but I know now I’m so much better than being your hand me down. You run back to me when you're bored or when your hoes have walked away or you tired of them. AND YOU DO ME THE EXACT SAME WAY. I am done.I don't play second place. I’m done being your option, your go back, your next best thing. I AM DONE. we can't be friends, we’re not getting back together. I’ve found my light, i’m so happy now. I’m slowly starting to do the things i loved again. I’m seeing that i’m going to be just fine without you, even better than I was with you. I deserve so much better. I’m going to get so much better. But for now i’m focusing in on me, and I’ve decided I’m better off without you.
You’ll be alright.
