How I’m Learning to Rest Without Guilt in a Hustle Season
I Didn’t Think I Could Afford to Rest: Here’s What I Learned
I have always been a go, go, go person. Even with me recently learning how to be more present and slow down, one thing I realized I was still neglecting was rest. I’ve always been an advocate for hustle culture. Especially when you’re young and able to grind, I believe you should. I’ve even ended relationships over laziness. Since I was a kid, I’ve always had some type of job. Before I could even get a real one, my cousin and I were outside selling baked goods, cookies, Kool-Aid, sweet tea, brownies, in front of my house. I sold candy in middle school. I had my first official job at 14 through a summer youth program, and by high school, I had two jobs. I was the girl waking up at the crack of dawn to go to work and picking up extra shifts like it was nothing. The crazy part is, it wasn’t even out of necessity, my mom made sure I had everything I needed. It was just something in me. I’ve always been a hustler.
Now hear me when I say this, I’m not someone who doesn’t believe in rest, because one thing about me, I’m going to sleep. I get my 7–8 hours every night. But for me lately, rest has meant sleep, and nothing more. And I’m realizing now that definition has been limiting me. I’ve been extremely hard on myself in this current season. Part of me feels like where I am right now is because I wasted time or was lazy in previous seasons. So subconsciously, I’ve been making my present self pay for my past. And one of the ways I’ve been paying is by withholding rest.
If you really know me, you know I used to be big on self care. Weekly solo dates, buying myself flowers, treating myself just because, and having full “do nothing” days where I would sit and catch up on all my shows. But all of that came to a halt. Most of you know I’m in a transitional season right now, where every dollar has an assignment. It’s been grind season like never before, and I’ve definitely been in survival mode for the past few months. In my mind, survival mode didn’t include rest.
Last week, I accidentally spent the entire second half of my day doing nothing. I was off and on sleeping, and I got completely locked into finishing Bel-Air on Peacock. I hadn’t sat down and watched a show in months. I kept telling myself, “just one more episode,” and before I knew it, four hours had passed and the sun was setting. The next morning, I woke up upset. I couldn’t believe I had “wasted” a Friday evening like that. I could have been cleaning, DoorDashing, writing or Instacarting, doing something productive, but instead, I spent it relaxing. And to me, that felt like failure.
That Saturday, I had a therapy session and told my therapist how upset I was. I explained how careless it felt to waste time like that. She asked me, “So you don’t have time for rest?” I immediately responded, “I can’t afford to sit and watch TV right now. My rest is when I sleep.” She acknowledged that sleep is important, but she also said something that stuck with me, your brain needs rest too. Rest is more than sleep, and you don’t have to fill every second of your life. I told her I did, because my laziness is what got me here. And she asked me a question that I haven’t been able to shake: how long are you going to punish yourself for where you are?
She suggested I create a schedule with everything I’m juggling and intentionally build in time to rest outside of sleep. She reminded me that the brain needs to recharge just like the body does. Since that session, I’ve been sitting with that, because if I’m honest, maybe my body wouldn’t be crashing the way it does if I gave myself permission to rest before I hit a wall.
Last weekend, I went home, and while I was out with my mom, I yawned. She said, “You’re tired.” I responded, “I’m always tired.” She asked, “When do you rest?” And I didn’t have a real answer. That’s when I made a decision, I’m going to honor rest, no matter what season I’m in.
Even God rested, and that really checked me, because how am I too busy to rest when the God who created the heavens and the earth did? As I sat with that, I realized something deeper. Part of the reason I wasn’t resting is because I felt like I would miss out, like if I slowed down, everything would fall apart. And that revealed a lack of faith. I had misused the idea of “faith without works is dead” and turned it into pressure to always be doing something. I believed that if I wasn’t constantly working, God wouldn’t come through for me. But God never said to work yourself into exhaustion to receive His provision. He said He would provide. So I had to take that to Him in prayer, because if I truly trust Him, even when I rest, even when I feel like I’m dropping the ball, He will still make a way. He is a provider, and His goodness isn’t dependent on how much I produce.
Rest is not optional, it’s essential. And if God rested, who am I to think I don’t need to?
I had to be honest with myself, my inability to rest wasn’t discipline, it was fear. Fear that if I stopped, everything would fall apart.
But God never asked me to carry everything.
I’m still a woman who works hard, who shows up, and who honors her goals, but I’m also learning that rest is part of the discipline, not separate from it.
I don’t have to earn rest. I don’t have to wait until everything is done. And I don’t have to punish myself for past versions of me. I can trust God, do my part, and still allow myself to breathe.
Because I’m not behind, I’m in transition.
And in this season, I’m choosing to make space for both growth and rest.
What does rest look like for you right now?
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