Things I’m Learning in My Late 20s: You’re Allowed to Change Your Mind

Growing Through Change, Letting Go Of Who You Thought You’d Be, & Giving Yourself Permission To Become Who You Are

The older I get, the more I learn. I guess it’s true what they say, you should always remain a student because you never stop learning.

I’ll be honest. When I was younger, I assumed that by the time I reached my late 20s, life would look completely different. The things I thought I wanted, the places I assumed I would be, and the people I imagined would be in my life aren’t exactly as I pictured them.

When you’re a child, a teen, or even a young adult, you develop an idea of how you think life is going to go. Especially for me, I was blessed to be sheltered in a way that meant I didn’t have to think too much about certain responsibilities. Yes, I had things I was responsible for around the house and had jobs as a kid, but what I thought adulthood would be isn’t entirely what it turned out to be.

When you’re young, you want to be an adult because of the freedom and the idea of being carefree. One thing the older people in my life have always reminded me of is that it costs to be the boss.

And whew, have I learned that!

Being in my late 20s, there are certain things I hear people say that make me pause. One of them is, “I was never taught,” or “I was never……” I understand that we all have different upbringings, traumas, and life experiences that shape us. Not everyone starts from the same place, and I’ll never pretend otherwise.

At some point, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. We have to be willing to unlearn certain behaviors, learn what we weren’t taught, and do the work to become better. We can acknowledge what we didn’t receive growing up without allowing it to dictate who we become as adults.

And that’s something I’ve been learning to do myself.

Getting Honest About the Woman I’m Becoming

With less than six months until I turn 30, I’ve been having some tough conversations with myself and actively working to change the things that no longer align with the woman I see myself becoming.

That doesn’t mean punishing myself for not being where I thought I would be by now. I’ve learned that constantly measuring your life against an old timeline can become an unhealthy cycle. There’s a difference between holding yourself accountable and making yourself feel inadequate because your life doesn’t look the way you imagined.

Instead, I’ve been focusing on being honest with myself about where I am and what I need to do to get where I want to be.

I’ve gotten back into a consistent therapy routine after taking a two month hiatus. I’ve made doctor’s appointments for my physicals and blood work. I’ve revisited the mission statement I created for myself to make sure it still aligns with the direction I want my life to go.

I’ve been spending more intentional time with God, asking Him to help me see myself and my life the way He sees me and to teach me how to show up as the woman He’s calling me to be.

I’ve gone through my stuff and purged things that no longer fit my aesthetic. I’ve tightened up my routines to make them more sustainable and better aligned with my goals. I’ve taken stock of the people and environments in my life and asked myself whether they still align with who I am becoming.

I’ve even taken a deeper look at my finances, identifying where I waste the most money, how I can create a realistic budget, and what I need to do to pay off debt.

Beyond the physical changes and the practical steps, the real work has been internal.

I’ve been challenging thoughts I’ve held for years and asking myself whether they’re still true for me and more importantly, why I believe them in the first place. My thoughts about marriage and children. The places I want to spend my time. The environments I want to be in. The people I want to have access to me. The decisions I’ve made and the beliefs I’ve carried with me.

I’ve been questioning things I once accepted without a second thought. Girl, let me tell you, that kind of self reflection will have you looking at yourself differently.

It has opened my eyes to the beauty in my life that I sometimes overlook, but it has also forced me to face some uncomfortable truths. I’ve had to acknowledge certain habits, mindsets, and decisions that no longer serve me.

This is constant work. I’m still learning who I am as a woman, discovering what I want, and recognizing the things I need to change. I don’t have it all figured out, and I don’t think I’m supposed to.

Through all of this discovery, I’ve been learning a lot about myself, my wants, my needs, my non negotiables, and the kind of life I want to build.

One of the biggest lessons I’m learning, one that has been the hardest pill to swallow, is this; I have the right to change my mind.

You Have the Right to Change Your Mind

I don’t owe anyone an explanation for every change I make, and I don’t have to keep defending a version of myself I’ve outgrown. And the same is true for you.

You have the right to change your mind. You have the right to pivot. You have the right to look at something that other people consider the best and decide it isn’t enough for you. You have the right to want more. You have the right to dream your wildest dreams and give yourself permission to pursue them.

You have the right to change what you want out of life.

As a girl who never wanted marriage and kids, I could change my mind. As a girl who never liked beef, I can change my mind and eat a steak! See? It doesn’t always have to be that deep.

For me, this has been hard to accept because I’m a person who tends to look at life in black or white. I’m either one thing or the other. I like having an answer, knowing where I stand, and feeling certain about my decisions. One of the lessons I’m learning in this season is how to embrace the both/and. 

I’m learning that part of it is control, which, if we’re being honest, is an illusion. We want to know how things will turn out, how people will respond, and what things will look like on the other side of a decision. Part of it is also the fear of other people’s feelings, opinions, and what they’ll say when we decide to do something differently. I’m sure there’s more I’ll discover as I continue unpacking this in therapy and getting honest with myself, but what I’m beginning to understand is that I can’t keep allowing the need to control the outcome or other people’s perceptions of me to dictate the decisions I make for my life.

I can have wanted something before and no longer want it now. I can have loved going to a certain place and decide that I don’t want to go there anymore. I can have believed something about myself for years and discover that it no longer reflects who I am. None of that means the old version of me was wrong for feeling the way she did. It simply means I’m growing, learning, and allowing myself to experience life differently.

Sometimes, I think we confuse consistency with never changing. We convince ourselves that because we once said something, wanted something, or made a particular decision, we have to stick with it to prove that we mean what we say. However, there’s a difference between being a person of your word and being so committed to an old version of yourself that you refuse to grow.

Loyalty is a beautiful thing, but misplaced loyalty can keep you attached to people, places, habits, and beliefs that no longer serve you. Sometimes, the very thing holding you back is the fear of admitting that you’ve changed.

You can spend so much time trying to remain the person you said you were that you never give yourself the opportunity to discover who you could become.

I recently dove into this in therapy, and it has been one of the most freeing things I’ve started to work through. I still struggle with it. When those old thoughts creep in, I challenge them. I work through the discomfort and remind myself that I’m allowed to change my mind, and that’s okay.

I’m learning that I don’t have to turn every change into a crisis or justify every new desire. Sometimes, I simply know something different now than I knew then.

That’s enough.