You Don't Get To Choose The Hand You're Dealt

Do you know what I’m so tired of hearing? I’m tired of hearing people complain about what they didn’t have. I really hate when people have the woe-is-me attitude, and blame their circumstances for everything. I know you’ve heard, or even have said things like, “If it weren’t for (this) i’d be further.” “I can’t do (blank,) because of (blank.) "My (blank) are holding me back.” “If (this) hadn’t happened, I’d be so much further.” So many times people use their parents, upbringing, debt, partner, kids, fears, injuries, neighborhood, and so much more as reasons for not doing something. That is such a endless loop, blaming your circumstances for current life. You do not get to choose the cards you are dealt, but it is It’s your job to play them. According to Farflex, that means, “To accept, deal with, and make the most of one's current situation or circumstances; to make use of that which one is afforded or has available.I know you feel unsatisfied with your life at the moment, but we all have to play the hand we're dealt. Just keep working hard and things are bound to improve!”

Please understand that I know everyone has challenges and things that hinder them. I mean I am a black woman in America, duh! I’m saying, don’t let your circumstances be the reason you never go after what it is that you want.

What you believe in, effects how you operate. If you believe your circumstances are hindering you, you will fall victim into settling for the way things are, rather than how things could be. I’ve always been an optimistic person, who believes in endless possibilities. My faith plays a really big role in my optimism. I truly believe that everything that God puts me through works together for my good, even if I don’t see it at first. I remember being in middle school, and reading, “The Other Wes Moore.” That is one book that truly changed my life as a child. If you don’t know, the book is about two men from the same neighborhood and similar upbringings. One of them is serving life in prison for murder, and the other one is a successful author, producer, and army officer. The only thing that separated these two, was their choices. The point of the book, is to show how our choices and decisions, no matter how big or small, play a large role in our lives.

It can be so hard to not blame your circumstances. The reality is, blaming your circumstances, won’t change them. My mom had me as a teenager. Statistically, we are not supposed to be where we are right now. We are far from rich or wealthy, but we are comfortable and blessed. The statistics of teen parents are horrible. For example, “Only 40% of teen parents finish high school. Less than 2% finish college by 30. More than half of all mother’s on welfare had their first child as a teenager.” My mom not only finished college, she also completed law school, before the age of 30. Statistically, because I was born to a teen parent, I’m supposed to have a difficult time with language, social, and emotional skills including self control and confidence. On top of that, statistically, having a young parent has a negative affect on a child’s educational success. “Kids born to teen mothers are 50% more likely to be held back a grade than their peers.” I’m glad to say, I’ve never been held back and I have a college degree. Plus, I have great social skills and even articulate myself pretty well. Now I share my story to say this, my mom could have looked at the statistics and given up completely, but she didn’t. Even with all the naysayers, she still pushed for her dream of becoming an attorney, and did it. Now, I’m not saying that there weren't other factors. God has extended so much favor and grace over our lives. Plus, we were blessed with  great support from family, that helped as well. However, that doesn't negate the fact that my mom didn’t allow her circumstances to determine her reality. Wanting to be an attorney is hard for the average person, imagine for a mother.

Life is like a deck of cards, you are given a hand to play, and you have to make the best of it. Especially if you're an adult, blaming your circumstances does not make it go away. Don’t waste your whole life allowing what you didn’t have, stop you from what you could have. You can choose to allow your circumstances to hold you back, or you can use them to make you better. Decide to change your situation. You do not have to be what your parents are. You do not have to be what your situation is. You create your destiny. Anytime, I find myself blaming my circumstances, I look at my mom and keep going. If you are religious, this is where your faith and prayer will come in. Understand that God does not make any mistakes. Everything that he puts you through, and allows you to go through, will all work together for your good. Once you stop blaming your circumstances, or others for the way that your life is, you start to take life into your own hands. Don’t harp on the things that you don’t have, rather, focus on all the good that you do. Maybe your parents didn’t teach you about financial literacy, but you can learn on your own. Maybe your dad wasn’t around, but that doesn’t mean you have to hate men. Maybe you were a teen parent, but that doesn’t mean your life is over. It’s never too late to change your life. If you are unhappy with the life you are living, change it. You’re not a tree you can move your feet, so get to it. The reality is, no one can change your life, except for you.