Being Single on Valentine’s Day (And Actually Enjoying It)
A Reflection On Singleness, Solo Dates, Friendships, & Learning To Love Yourself In Every Season
I recently had a guy ask me if I was looking forward to Valentine’s Day. I told him it was just a normal day for me. He responded by assuming men were throwing themselves at me, lining up for a chance to take me out. But if I’m being honest, that’s not the case.
I’ve been single for about a year and a half now, and before that was in a long distance relationship where we didn’t spend the actual Valentine’s Day together. While I do date here and there, I’ve learned that being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t carry the weight people expect it to.
Being Single on Valentine’s Day Isn’t Something I Dread
Last year, I was very intentional about making the most of Valentine’s Day. I know there are women my age who are single and get in their feelings or dread the day, but that’s just not me. Instead, I planned a Galentine’s Day with two different friend groups.
What I love most about my friendships is how mixed they are. Some of my friends are married, some are single, and some are in relationships, but no matter where we are in life, we all value girl time. Friendships are sacred, especially with my girls. They deserve to be nurtured just as much as romantic relationships.
With one group, we did a Galentine’s Day dinner at a restaurant with the cutest Valentine’s Day decor. It felt so good to laugh, be present, and really love on my girls. With my other group, there are only three of us, we did candle making and brunch. I love connecting with my friends year round, but there’s something extra special about doing it during this season.
Finding Joy in Girlhood and Familiar Spaces
That same weekend, I flew home to Michigan because it was my sister’s birthday. She had a party on the 15th, and even though I was surrounded by her friends, it was still such a good time. I just really love girlhood.
I’m also blessed to have parents who send me flowers every year. Typically, they have them delivered to me in Atlanta, but it felt especially good to receive them while I was home. I love flower arrangements that I get to put together myself rather than ones that come already in a vase, even though I love those too.
I’ll admit, there was a brief moment where I felt a little sad being alone at my parents’ house. I flew in on Valentine’s Day, and my parents were out. I could’ve gone out with friends, but I didn’t want to. Instead, I watched romcoms, and those feelings passed.
Don’t get me wrong, I do want a partner eventually. Someone aligned with me and who adds value to my life. But I genuinely enjoy my singleness. I don’t take the freedom for granted because I know it won’t last forever. If you haven’t noticed, I’m extremely optimistic.
Why I Prioritize Friendships and Solo Dates
This year, I leaned on my friendships again. I had a girls weekend where friends came into town, and we did all the things, dinner, museums, nights out, and even ice skating. As for the actual day of Valentine’s, I’ll be back home again because my sister is having another party.
Maybe next year I’ll stay home, or maybe I’ll take a trip. Either way, I’ll definitely be taking myself out, this year whether that’s to dinner or the movies. I’m a huge solo date advocate. And when I say solo dates, I don’t mean going out just to sit on your phone the whole time. I think it’s important to actually be present with yourself.
Being comfortable being alone is crucial for me, especially when it comes to dating. Whoever I end up with needs to be whole and fully in love with themselves too. And the only way to learn yourself, your likes, dislikes, and your voice, is by spending time alone. Solo dates teach you how to enjoy your own company and find joy in it.
This came naturally to me because my mom and my grandma both take solo dates and even solo trips. I do too.
A Valentine’s Day Reminder for Singles, Couples, and Everyone in Between
This Valentine’s Day weekend, season, however you want to define it, I want you to lean in and love yourself a little more. I don’t care if you’re single, dating, or married. It’s never a bad time to love on you.
The Bible reminds us time and time again of the importance of loving our neighbors. In Matthew 22:37–39, Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That part matters, the as yourself. Scripture emphasizes loving others over and over again, but it also assumes that we understand what it looks like to love ourselves in a healthy way. Because if you don’t love yourself, you can’t fully love other people. You can show up, you can serve, but something will always be missing. Learning to love yourself well is not selfish, it’s foundational.
And especially to my parents reading this, you pour so much into your kids. Make it a priority to pour some extra love into yourself this weekend. Maybe that looks like going to a coffee shop and reading a book. Maybe it’s a massage or a spa day. Maybe it’s taking yourself to a nice dinner or going to a movie and fully immersing yourself in that experience.
Whatever your thing is, I challenge you to do it, whether it’s for 15 minutes or an entire day. Loving on yourself is self care.
You can’t fully show up for others if you’re not pouring love into yourself first.
And to my fellow singles, don’t let being single on Valentine’s Day make you sad. Hold your head high. Get dressed, put on a nice perfume, and go hit the town. Or put on your favorite pajamas and start a new series.
Don’t grow bitter when you see love being celebrated around you. This might be your last Valentine’s Day single, do you really want to spend it wishing you were somewhere else?
Square your shoulders back. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for being single, not even your own thoughts. Love on your people if you can. Choose joy. Choose softness. Choose yourself.
Because love isn’t missing from your life, it just might be starting with you.
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