The Hair Style I Almost Let Fear Talk Me Out Of
From Damaged Curls To Rediscovering My Confidence
When I tell you we’ve been in a season of readjusting, I mean that literally, all around. Back in September, I dyed my hair blonde for the third time, but this time we added highlights. I truly love the color; it fits my face so well. But if I’m being honest, my hair has been through phases, wigs, braids, silk presses, and now a desire to lean more into natural styles.
About a year ago, I really started exploring my natural hair. I tried perm rods for big curls, perfected my slick back natural bun, and even experimented with wash-and-gos. Even though I love a good silk press, I have to be more mindful now because of the blonde. Heat plus color is a dangerous combo. On top of that, I work out regularly, and I sweat in my head, which is actually one of the main reasons I stopped wearing frontals. They just weren’t lasting.
In October, I tried a closure, behind the hairline wig, and honestly, worst decision. I was hot combing and flat ironing my perimeter every day to blend it, and I ended up damaging the front and middle of my hair. So now here I am, hair compromised, on a mission to get it fully healthy and flourishing again.
Last week, I shared how I’m prioritizing my skin, but I’m also doing the same with my hair. It’s easy to cover things up: acne with makeup, hair with weave or extensions. But do you truly love yourself as you are? I’m big on self love, and I believe if there’s something you don’t like, you either work to change it or learn to love it. I had to remind myself that I don’t have to live with acne or broken edges. I want makeup and weave to be an addition, not a necessity.
One natural hairstyle I’ve completely fallen in love with is perm rods. I love big, curly hair. Sometimes I pick it out, sometimes I don’t, it just depends on the vibe. I love that perm rods are heatless and low maintenance. Even after the gym, my hair still looks good. Of course, there’s some shaking, fluffing the roots, and adding oil to keep it hydrated, but overall it’s easy.
The first time I did a perm rod set, I was amazed, not just by how big it was, but by how confident I felt. I’m learning that while I love myself with silky, long hair (hello weave), I really love myself with big curly hair. It’s honestly become my superpower. At first, I didn’t even want to take pictures with it and tried to hide it. Over time, it grew on me, and ironically, I get way more compliments when my hair is curly than when it’s pressed.
But remember that closure wig I wore from October to December? That damage affected my curls too. When I went back to my stylist (sometimes she does my perm rod sets, sometimes I do them myself), we noticed my curls had shrunk. The big hair I loved was still cute, but noticeably smaller because of the damage. So now we’re in repair mode: weekly washing and deep conditioning, monthly hydration steaming, regular scalp oiling, and no heat.
At first, I wanted to just buy a new wig and wear straight bundles for a few months. But between finances not being what they used to be and not having someone to consistently install wigs while caring for my natural hair, I decided against it. I already have a whole wig wall, literally over $5,000 worth of wigs, and I found myself staring at them, trying to figure out what to reinstall.
Then one day, I went to a workout class with my friend (who’s basically family and also my hairstylist), and she had big, curly blonde hair. I asked when she dyed it, and she told me it was crochet, and none of her hair was out. I was sold. I asked her for the link, my mom helped me get the hair, and she offered to install it.
When I told some friends I was thinking about crochet, they were like, “No, those are for old people.” I was shocked, and almost let that stop me. But after talking with my mom, she encouraged me to try it anyway. I had no idea crochet hair could match my blonde color and curl pattern so perfectly.
Watching the install, I loved the simplicity. My scalp could breathe, I could oil it nightly, and I still had versatility. The very first day, people assumed it was my natural hair, and even now, they’re shocked when I say it’s crochet.
I can’t believe I almost let someone else’s opinion stop me from trying one of my favorite styles to date. My stylist even taught me how to install pieces myself, and I’ve been maintaining it for two weeks now. This has been the most convenient, affordable, yet cute style I’ve had in a long time. It’s officially my go to until my natural curls are back where they need to be. I even learned there’s an ombré option that’ll match my hair as the blonde grows out.
I used to think I needed “European” style hair, straight, body wave, Brazilian, to look my best. But now I’m realizing that kinky, natural textured hair is just as beautiful. Even though I’m not technically natural right now, I’m learning to love more of me: my Blackness, the fullness, the texture, all of it.
Stepping out of my comfort zone was exactly what I needed in this season. I’m so glad I don’t look like what I’m going through. You can still look put together on a budget, hair included. What new thing are you trying in this season? What part of yourself do you need to learn to love or finally change that you’ve been avoiding?
Trying crochet wasn’t just about hair, it was about trusting myself again. It reminded me that I don’t need permission to try something new or to redefine what feeling beautiful looks like in this season. I’m learning that perfection isn’t the goal, confidence is. And sometimes, the very thing you’re afraid to try ends up being exactly what you needed.
So whether it’s a new hairstyle, a new habit, or a new version of yourself, don’t let fear or outside opinions keep you stuck. If you like it, if it feels like you, that’s enough.
Want to stay connected? I send a weekly Saturday newsletter with personal reflections and new posts.
You can subscribe below.
