I Think I’m Going to Be Okay

Unpacking More Than Boxes

Once everything was moved into my new place, I realized that unpacking was going to require more than just opening boxes. I had to unpack emotions, too.

I had to sit with the reality that this was actually happening. I was really here. The chapter I had spent so much time trying to process was no longer something that was coming, it had happened.

As I opened boxes, I wasn’t just trying to find a place for everything. I was being intentional about making this space feel like home. I brought the majority of my furniture from Atlanta, but I didn’t want this apartment to feel like a replica of my old life. This space is new, and I wanted it to feel like the woman I am today, and the woman I’m still becoming.

That doesn’t mean I wasn’t intentional about making my Atlanta apartment feel like home. I absolutely was, and I wanted to carry that same feeling with me.

Even though I was downsizing and moving into a completely different apartment style, I still wanted my home to be a place I loved coming back to. A place where I could rest, reset, and spend time with myself.

I’m also really grateful that I had the opportunity to take some time before jumping back into work. I had two weeks to really get my home in order. I didn’t want to rush the process because I wanted to make this space feel right. But at the same time, I knew I couldn’t live in boxes for too long.

Mentally, I just can’t live in dysfunction. When my environment feels chaotic, I feel chaotic. It makes it harder for me to be productive and even harder to think clearly. So those first two weeks became about creating a foundation.

I put together my bed, hung my tvs, organized all of my clothes and shoes, ordered some extra pieces to decorate, and hired people through TaskRabbit to help me put up shelves.

My family helped me. My dad hung mirrors throughout the house, my sister put together my bed, and my brother and his friend brought the accent wall of my dreams to life.

I had been seeing these wall panels for so long and knew I wanted to add something like that to one of my walls. I just didn’t know exactly how I was going to pull it off. But it came together, and honestly, it’s my favorite part of my apartment right now.

Another thing I noticed when I first moved in was that my apartment didn’t have an island, which was something I really wanted. Thankfully, I found one online and had it put together, and you honestly can’t even tell that it wasn’t there when I moved in.

There are still things I want to do.

I need an entry table, a hallway rug, and some sconces for the hallway. I have photos I want to hang and more accessories I want to add to my room and bathroom. I also want to bring in some different colors on my couch to make the space feel a little cozier, especially as fall rolls in.

Decorating this space is something I don’t want to rush. I want to take my time with it, but not too much time. So I’m taking it day by day and piece by piece. The important thing is that the major things are done, and my apartment is fully functional.

After this last month of packing, moving, unpacking, and organizing, I finally have a place where I can breathe. And honestly? It feels amazing.

Finding My Way Back to Me

I still find myself crying every now and then.

Sometimes it happens when I get a glimpse of my previous life. Sometimes I think about my old apartment, a friend, or a situation that I left behind.

I won’t lie and say getting back into a routine has been easy. That’s a story for another day.

Since moving, I feel like I haven’t been as active as I want to be. I’ve been so focused on getting my house together and getting my emotions in check that self care and fitness completely went to the wayside. But I have been prioritizing getting back to me. And I’m learning what that looks like in this new space and this new season.

The beautiful thing is that, while navigating all of this, I’ve found pieces of my new life that I genuinely love, and some of them are things I didn’t even realize I was missing.

Like being able to drive to my parents house and spend time with them.

Or just laying on their couch.

Going to the movies with my mom on a random Tuesday.

Having the ability to be physically close to the people I love in a way I wasn’t able to before.

Those little moments have reminded me that sometimes a life can look completely different than what you imagined and still be really good.

This move has been a lot, but it has also continued to show me how much I’ve grown. In real time, I’m learning my likes and dislikes. I’m learning what I want my life to look like. I’m learning how to navigate transition in a way I never thought I would have to. And I’m grateful that I get to.

The Moment I Knew I Was Going to Be Okay

For the first month, I cried every single day. Sometimes it was a long cry. Sometimes it was a few tears. But I cried every day. Last week was the first full seven days where I didn’t cry once.

I was so grateful.

Then yesterday, I was standing outside of Chipotle in downtown Detroit, looking around in awe. I found myself with tears in my eyes, but this cry felt different. It wasn’t the same cry I had been crying for the past month. This was a cry of release.

All I could say out loud was:

“Wow. I think I’m going to be okay.”

As I stood there looking at the beautiful architecture, the lights, and everything happening around me, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. A sense of peace came over me that I can’t fully explain.

And I thought about something I had recently been telling a friend: God has a way of bringing us into seasons that feel like the fight of our lives, and we assume that because it took so long to get into the season, it’s going to take just as long to get out. But that isn’t always the case.

That doesn’t mean all of my problems are gone. It doesn’t mean I’m completely on the other side. But in that moment, I felt peace. I felt like I was finally walking out of one of the darkest seasons of my life. 

More than anything, I felt God reminding me that He never left me. He was there the entire time. Even when I couldn’t see what He was doing. Even when I didn’t understand why things were happening the way they were. Even when I felt like everything was falling apart. He was still there. And somehow, we made it through. 

Maybe You’re Starting Over, Too

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully articulate how much my previous season tried to take me out.

Not only was I financially at my lowest point, but emotionally, mentally, and in so many other ways, I felt like I was being stretched beyond what I could handle.

And yet, even in the middle of it, I had a peace that I can only attribute to God.

I knew He was walking with me.

I knew He was holding my hand.

Yesterday was just another reminder. And maybe that’s what this entire move has really been about.

Not just moving from Atlanta to Detroit.

Not just downsizing my apartment.

Not just unpacking boxes.

Not just relearning my identity.

But learning that starting over doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Sometimes starting over is simply what the next chapter requires.

Sometimes the thing you were so afraid would break you becomes the very thing that shows you how strong you’ve become. Sometimes what feels like the end is actually an invitation to begin again.

And if you are in a season where everything feels like it is falling apart, I want you to hear this from me:

You are not alone.

You are not falling behind.

You are not moving backward.

You have not ruined your life.

You are not too late.

And you are not required to have the entire next chapter figured out today.

Sometimes we allow our minds to convince us that the worst case scenario is the worst thing that could ever happen. We imagine how much we’ll hate it, how badly things will turn out, and how impossible it will be to recover. But sometimes the worst case scenario never happens. And even when something doesn’t go the way we planned, God can still make something beautiful out of it.

So change your perspective.

Give yourself permission to be in the middle.

Give yourself permission to grieve what was while making room for what is.

Give yourself permission to start again.

Because you may not be able to see how everything is going to work out yet.

I couldn’t either.

But standing outside of that Chipotle yesterday, looking around at my new city with tears in my eyes, I finally understood something:

I don’t need to know exactly how everything will work out.

I just need to trust the One who does.

And that same sentence I told myself yesterday is the sentence I want you to tell yourself today:

“Wow. I think I’m going to be okay.”

And you know what?

I think you are, too.

Until Next Time

This is the final installment of the Moving Diaries, Part Six. But it’s not the end.

I want to invite you to keep coming along with me as I navigate this new season, rebuild, rediscover myself, and restart after what felt like the biggest failure of my life.

Thank you for every encouraging word, every message, every prayer, and for coming along with me through this move.

While this chapter of the Moving Diaries is coming to a close, there’s so much more to come here on Dymond’s Diary.

New blog posts will be going live every Monday and Wednesday, and I’m adding a weekly YouTube video every Friday to the mix.

Every Saturday morning, I’ll continue sending out my weekly newsletter with more of what I’m learning, loving, and navigating in this season of life. I would love for you to be a part of it, so sign up below and come along for the next chapter.

We made it. And now, we get to see what comes next.