The Village That Helped Me Move Learning to Receive Support
What moving back to Detroit taught me about friendship, vulnerability, receiving help, and realizing I don’t have to do everything alone.
One thing this move, not even just this move, but my last season of life, taught me was that I have a village.
Through all the emotions I felt during this move process, one thing I never felt was lonely or like I was alone. I know that was God’s way of reminding me that He’s got me. He literally blessed me with people around me who were handpicked just for me.
Whether it was a prayer, a listening ear, packing up boxes, or financially covering a cost, my village showed up for me.
As someone who shows up for her friends through and through, seeing everybody show up for me was one of the best parts.
Sometimes, when you’re the giver, it can feel like an island.
Part of the season I went through was about breaking an identity that was based on performance. I’m the person who supports everybody I love, loud and proud, big with gestures, over the top, giving my last just to show up or keep my word.
Over the last nine months, I haven’t been able to do that as much.
Don’t get me wrong, I still showed up for my friends, but it wasn’t in a way I once could. I couldn’t go on every trip, buy the best gifts, send flowers, or do all the things I used to do. I remember talking to my therapist about how weird that felt. I told her I didn’t know if the people in my life would still like me if I didn’t show up the same way. And she said something that stuck with me: if a relationship is based on what you can do or give, then it was never real.
I don’t know why I feel like sometimes relationships are built on showing up and performing. Like if I do more or give more, they’ll want to be my friend. Imagine that being a core belief, and then you go through a season where you can’t foot the bill, buy the thing, send the flowers, or fix the problem. You just have to listen.
When I hear my friends problems, I naturally take them on and try to figure out how I can fix them. But during this season, I couldn’t always do that because I didn’t have the means. It can be as simple as my friend mentioning that she likes a pair of shoes but can’t buy them. Normally, I’d like to just buy them for her.
Those nine months weren’t only about depending fully on God. They were also about reshaping my identity and my value.
I Didn’t Think I Was Actually Leaving
When I first decided to move, I never thought I was actually going to. I thought God was going to blow my mind in the final hour and somehow I was going to be able to stay.
For two weeks, I waited for that miracle.
I didn’t even tell anybody I was leaving for a week or start packing my house because I genuinely believed God would show up.
As time got closer and I started sharing the news with the people closest to me, they did the opposite of what I thought they would.
I don’t know why I was so in my head. They didn’t call me a failure. They didn’t make me feel like I was going backward. They responded with encouraging words.
I was the brokest I had ever been in my life, and my village carried the weight of my move.
I remember writing down how much everything would cost, looking at my account, and still coming up short.
There were so many people who played a pivotal part in this move.
My Village Showed Up
My parents played the biggest role, and I’m so grateful for them.
No questions asked, whatever I needed was covered.
My parents not only carried a big financial piece of this move, but they were also my soundboards. They listened and let me go through all the phases and indecisiveness without telling me what to do.
They offered to come to town, but I really wanted to do this without them because they’ve moved me every time I’ve packed up my life.
Even now, they’re a major key in every aspect of my life, and I’m so grateful for them.
I didn’t realize how expensive moving could be. I was looking on Facebook Marketplace for boxes instead of going to the store to buy them.
Randomly, one morning, my friend Akilah called and said, “Girl, I just moved and I have a bunch of boxes. Come get them.”
I was shocked.
My brother agreed to fly to town to drive my U-Haul back for free. Not only did he drive, but he also took down all my TVs, patched holes in my old place, and even did more work in my new place.
My trainer turned friend gifted me some meals the week of the move so I didn’t have to worry about cooking with everything being packed up.
All the amazing women I met at the gym who have become friends spoke life into me when I was speaking so negatively about what was to come with the move.
My sister would literally check my temperature, mood wise, every day. She unpacked my whole house. She decorated, organized, and prayed with me. I didn’t even have to ask.
My best friend came and wrapped my mirrors and packed up my house without me having to ask.
My grandma was all the way in Virginia, but she was there along the way. She would listen and cover me in prayer.
I even had someone special who had been quietly in my corner through all the emotions and breakdowns. He paid for extra moving supplies, prayed me through it, and covered some of the expenses along the way.
On top of that, I received some beautiful messages from my loved ones that meant the world to me when I felt my lowest during this move.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Overall, this move reminded me that God has His hand on me. He showed me that by equipping my village with the tools and resources I needed.
It was a reminder that you don’t have to have it all figured out.
Even the strong friend needs support. This season taught me the power of not having to have it all together.
I’m not someone who likes to ask for help. My pride used to make me see it as weakness. But this move showed me that it’s not weak. It’s powerful.
Because the people who love and care for you want to help. They want to see you win. You just have to give them a chance.
This was the first time I was truly honest about where I was in my relationships, and that honesty made me vulnerable with the people closest to me.
In a season where I felt unworthy because I couldn’t perform for love, God and my village reminded me that I have value, and that there are people who love me for me, not for what I can do for them.
That reminder is one I’ll keep forever.
I don’t know if you’re the strong friend, the giver, the fixer, or someone who feels like you have to perform to earn people’s love, but there are people who love you for you. There are people who genuinely want to help you, if you let them.
You have to be honest. Tell people where you are and give them a chance to show up. Don’t let fear stop you because they may surprise you.
If they’re real friends, they want the best for you. And sometimes, when you’re honest, you don’t even have to ask.
I’ve learned that I have to open my mouth. People can’t help what they don’t know.
Into This New Season
This is something I’ll take with me into this new season and beyond.
Thank you to everybody who helped me through this move. I’m truly grateful, and it means more to me than I can put into words. And as I continue to get back on my feet, I’ll return the favor to those around me.
Because that’s the key to relationships. We weren’t built to do life alone.
Lean on the people around you. Let them love you. Let them help you.
And when you’re strong enough to carry the weight again, be willing to carry it for somebody else.
That’s what a village is for.
