Maybe You’re the Problem: The Hard Truth About What’s Keeping You Stuck
The hardest person to confront isn’t always someone else. Sometimes it’s the version of yourself that’s been standing in the way of the life you’ve been praying for.
Over the weekend, I had to be honest with myself.
Not the surface level honesty where you admit you’re tired or overwhelmed. The kind of honesty that forces you to look in the mirror and admit that maybe the biggest thing standing in your way is you.
The last couple of weeks have been hard. I’ve stepped into a new season, and it’s uncharted territory. Have you ever prayed for God to bring you out of something, and He finally did, but it happened in a way you never expected?
About a month ago, after watching a Sarah Jakes Roberts sermon, I wrote in my newsletter about balancing grief and gratitude. (If you’re not subscribed, every Saturday I send a reflection on what God is teaching me in the messy middle of becoming. Sign up below)
Looking back, I realized something. You can hold grief and gratitude at the same time. But eventually, you have to trust God with both.
The problem wasn’t that I was grieving. The problem was that I got comfortable living in the processing stage. Now hear me, I believe processing is healthy, instead of pretending emotions don't exist. However that looks for you, you should give yourself space to do that.
But you can't stay there.
At some point processing has to become surrender, and surrender has to become movement .
Looking back, I don’t know exactly when processing turned into complacency, but somewhere along the way it did.
I kept telling myself I was healing when, in reality, I was becoming stagnant.
Outwardly I was doing the things. Internally, I had stopped moving.
That stagnation slowly showed up everywhere.
The way I showed up on this blog.
The way I showed up in the gym, or didn’t.
The way I cared for myself.
The way I spent time with God.
I still thanked Him in the mornings. I still read a scripture every now and then. But the intentional relationship I once prioritized had quietly disappeared.
At first I thought I was just tired. Then I thought maybe I was still grieving. But if I’m being completely honest, I was angry.
Not because God hadn’t answered my prayers. Because He answered them differently than I imagined He would.
That is such a hard thing to admit. It sounds ungrateful and entitled. But it was true.
Last Sunday I attended a Prayer & Pilates event, and one thing that was said stayed with me all day We hide from God instead of bringing Him our full emotions.
But why? He already knows.
He knows the disappointment.
The frustration.
The confusion.
The questions we don’t even want to admit out loud.
So why do we keep pretending?
That afternoon I finally stopped pretending. I had one of the most honest conversations I’ve had with God in a long time.
No polished prayers.
No church language.
Just honesty.
And somewhere between the tears and the silence, I realized something.
I wasn’t waiting on God anymore. I was waiting on myself.
Have you ever had that moment where you realize it’s not your circumstances keeping you stuck?
It’s you.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve justified habits, patterns, laziness, or unhealthy mindsets by pointing at everything around me.
But what do you do when it’s not anybody else’s fault? What do you do when you’re the one standing in your own way?
This week I had to confront the parts of me that were feeding bitterness instead of gratitude. The parts that were keeping me from living the way God intended.
I realized I wasn't waiting in God anymore. I was waiting on myself.
Don't get me wrong. Sometimes your family, your upbringing, your environment or the hand you've been dealt really does make life harder. But for how long do we allow those things to define us?
At some point we have to stop asking, "What happened to me?" and start asking, "Who am I becoming because of it?''
That question changed everything.
I had to honestly evaluate the way I was responding to life. I had to acknowledge that I had allowed my emotions to dictate my actions, or better yet, my lack of action. I had to admit where I was mentally and spiritually.
How I got there.
Then I had to lay all of it at God's feet and invite Him into the mess instead of trying to clean it up before bringing it to Him.
I had to repent, not just for being distant from God, but for believing my disappointment more than I believed His faithfulness.
Because if I hadn't, I would've carried that same version of myself into this new season.
New seasons don’t automatically create new people.
Healing does.
Repentence does.
Surrender does.
As much as I hate admitting it, because, if I’m honest, I usually think I’m right, sometimes you and I are wrong.
Sometimes we are the problem.
That wasn’t an easy pill to swallow, but it was the one I needed.
I’m still processing. The difference is, I’m no longer processing by myself. I’m inviting God into it.
One thing I’ve learned is that living by your emotions will keep you in a rut. Feelings are real, but they make terrible leaders. If I only do what I feel like doing, I’ll slowly lose momentum, and once momentum is gone, it’s easy to become stagnant.
For me, breaking that cycle meant getting back to the basics. Starting my mornings with God again. Journaling. Reading at least one chapter of His Word. Actually praying over my day and the people in my life instead of rushing through a simple “thank You.” Getting back to the gym, running, and moving my body. Getting my eating under control because I know food can become a crutch when I’m trying to comfort my emotions instead of confronting them.
Those things don’t erase my emotions, but they keep my emotions from driving my life.
Momentum is built one faithful choice at a time.
Interestingly enough, the pastor preached a message about God being in the details and concluded with resetting your life, and it felt like confirmation for what God had already been showing me.
He gave a simple three part strategy: remember, repent, and repeat.
Remember who you were becoming. Remember the goals, the clarity, and the things you knew before life became crowded.
Repent from the distractions, excuses, careless decisions, and the things you’ve been giving your energy to that were never your assignment. Not repentance as punishment, but repentance as restoration.
Then repeat. Return to prayer. Return to healthy routines. Restore the boundaries that slipped. Go back to the places of obedience. Resume what was working before you stopped.
That really hit me because maybe I don’t need a completely new strategy. Maybe I need to return to what I already know works.
Remember. Repent. Repeat. And through all of it, trust the Builder.
I’m still emotional.
I’m still learning.
I’m still becoming.
But I’m no longer letting my feelings decide whether I move.
I’m choosing obedience over emotion. Trust over control. Faith over fear.
Practically, that means honoring this season the best I can. It means showing up for the things God has placed in my hands.
It means being a good steward over the people, opportunities, and responsibilities He’s entrusted me with.
It means taking the next step even when I don’t have the full picture, trusting that God will either bless the path I’m walking or redirect me if it’s not where I’m supposed to be.
I don’t know exactly where God is leading me or who He’s shaping me into, But I’m choosing to trust Him more than I trust my feelings.
Because feelings are real, but they don’t always tell the truth.
Maybe that’s where you are too.
Maybe you’ve been asking God to lead you into a new season, but you’re carrying old resentment, disappointment, fear, or habits with you.
Maybe you’ve been waiting for God to move while He’s been waiting for you to surrender.
Maybe the thing keeping you stuck isn’t what’s happening around you. Maybe it’s what’s happening within you.
And if that’s the case, don’t let that realization condemn you. Let it restore you.
Remember.
Repent.
Repeat.
Start again. Go back to the basics. Return to prayer. Return to obedience.
Return to the things that were helping you become the person God called you to be.
Don’t let a few months of distraction convince you that you’ve lost everything.
You can start again.
And don’t hide from God. He already knows.
He created you with every emotion you carry, and He’s not intimidated by any of them. He can handle your disappointment, your confusion, your frustration, and your questions.
You don’t have to clean yourself up before you come to Him. Bring Him all of it. Because relationship requires honesty.
And sometimes the most important part of a new season isn’t knowing exactly what’s next. It’s becoming ready for it.
I don’t know every detail of what God is building. But I trust the Builder.
Maybe that’s the invitation for you too.
Before you ask God for another open door, ask yourself:
“Is there anything in me that’s keeping me from walking through the one God has already opened?”
You may not be able to control every circumstance that comes your way. But you can choose how you respond. You can choose discipline over feelings. Surrender over control. Faith over fear. Movement over stagnation.
Sometimes the breakthrough you’ve been praying for doesn’t begin with a new opportunity. Sometimes it begins with an honest conversation with God, and with yourself.
Maybe your next season doesn’t require you to become someone new. Maybe it requires you to return to who God was already calling you to be.
