Season of Singleness

When you're single, you need to first, LEARN TO GRIEVE OVER WHAT YOU'VE LOST. Grieving is normal and necessary after any loss. Don't let anybody tell you, you're not supposed to grieve. Those who don't take the time to grieve the loss, become bitter and broken. Brokenness causes bitterness, which ultimately causes blindness to God. Grieving can look different for everyone. You activate health and healing when you acknowledge it. It's ok to be sad and hurt. Learn to feel and express emotions. You become broken when you don't allow yourself the time to heal. For example, I used to lose friends a lot growing up. Rather than grieve the loss, I would just get new friends. But, I was broken and broken people break relationships. Also, if you don't heal, you'll continue to jump in and out of relationships. The biggest part of grieving your loss, is learning to bury your past, heal and LEAVE YOUR PAST. The problem is, we (I included,) tend to go back and dig up the past. Now this can mean digging up old emotions, digging up old exes, or even digging up old habits that lead to the past situation. Doing this step, will take time, but it is necessary. 

Secondly, stop idealizing the idea of a relationship. I am guilty of loving the idea of love, but I had to stop idealizing it. Don't be so focused on the image of how someone makes you look, how your "future life" could be with them and/or most importantly their potential. That will lead you to fall in love with the image rather than the actual current individual. Learn to say GOODBYE and LET IT GO. Everyone in your history isn't meant for your destiny. Throughout my life, many people have came and gone but I don't feel bitter. People come in your life for two reasons; lessons and blessings. Just because you started with somebody doesn't mean you'll get to the finish line with them. Use your single season to get real clear on the people you have around you. I'm at a place in my life that I have to be discerning with relationships. I learned, you must be careful who you stand and walk with. Make sure, you're walking with people who are trying to go to same place as you. I can't afford to be on an undefined journey. During this season of my life, everything is PURPOSEFUL. How can two walk together but be going different journeys and paces? 

Use your single time to really figure out who you are and what you want. If you haven't discovered your purpose or your why in life, you shouldn't be dating. Truth is, when you don’t know your purpose anyone and anything will do. Your relationship with yourself, sets the tone of any other relationship you have. Before entering the dating world, you need to have a clear idea of what it is you do and do not want. During these 20s, I'm partnering up with a purpose. When dating, if a person shows you they aren’t exactly what you want, walk away. Stop trying to change people. In 1 King 11:4, Abraham knew exactly the kind of woman he wanted. He did not want any woman who didn't love his same God. You need to know what your non negotiable are, before dating. Deuteronomy 22:10 says, "Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together." When you get with someone who doesn't match up with your purpose, they divert you in your focus, and they digress you in your faith. Stop trying to pull people up, it will ultimately pull you down. 

Most importantly, during this single time, focus on God. When you focus on God, everything else falls into pace. If your not religious, use your single time to meditate within. Being in an relationship, is a lot of work. You have to put your time and love in another person. When single, put all that love and care into creating the best version of you. I have fallen in love with being single, I am changing into an amazing virtuous woman. Reintroduce yourself to you, it'll blow your mind.