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Starting Over
dymond phillips • Feb 05, 2018
So a few weeks ago I had a reader write to the site asking me some questions. Rather than just respond to them I thought why not write a post on it. I know it's hard to move from place to place and starting over is not easy.
"Hey Dymond, one question I have is how did you deal with moving from place to place and manage your relationships with people, please guide me I feel like I’m losing everybody and I’m alone."
Well let me start by telling my story. I was born in Buffalo, NY. When I was in the third grade I moved to Lansing, MI because my mom went to law school in there. I would go back to NY for any breaks I had. During summer break when I was visiting NY, my cousin and I had an idea of me moving back and living with my grandmother. When I first called my mommy she sounded so surprised. I was shocked she agreed to let me move with my grandmother for a year while she finished school.
As I got older she told me that letting me move away from her was the hardest thing she'd ever done. Within a year and a half, she moved back to NY, after she graduated. My sophomore year of high school my life changed again. Once again my mom pulled me from Buffalo. At this time the neighborhood had went completely down and my mom was seeing a change in me that she didn't like. She made the decision to move me to the suburbs of Detroit. Initially, we moved to Farmington Hills. I HATED IT. I was so homesick and missed my old life. On top of that the area we moved to was a complete culture shock for me.
We were still going back and fourth to NY almost every other weekend. Another reason why I hated Farmington Hills was because it lacked diversity. My grades were slipping because even the atmosphere at school was different for me. My mommy decided to move us to another suburb, Southfield, because it was more diverse. I didn't become completely ok with living in MI until after 6 months of being there. By that time I had made my own friends and was beginning to create my own life. Plus I already had family living there that made it better. Now, looking back, I'm thankful that my mom moved me from NY when she did because it was for the better.
I packed up and moved again after high school for college in Atlanta where I currently reside now. Everybody keeps asking me if I plan on staying here after graduation. The answer is no, I plan on moving next year. The point of me telling you my background is to share that I've had three major moves in my life. All three had me nervous and/or upset in the beginning but all turned out to be beneficial to me. The old me hated change and moving but now I love traveling and moving around.
To answer that question patience is what helped me manage moving from place to place. Another thing that helped me manage each move was my families/friends support. My Michigan family welcomed me with open arms and tried to keep me occupied when I moved to Detroit. My entire family supported my move to Atlanta and seeing that made the move better. I know it's hard to stay positive but you have to during this time. Know that everything happens for a reason. Change is not always bad. As I get older I'm learning to embrace change rather than run from it. Starting over is not the easiest thing but sometimes is what's best for you.
I hated starting over. Growing up it was so hard for me to make new friends because I hold on to my old friends and I had the "no new friends" mentality. It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I learned it's okay to have different friends for different things. I learned that having multiple friends is okay. When I moved to Detroit, I was talking to my Buffalo friends almost everyday. I think that's why it took me so long to make new friends. Real friends don't have to talk everyday to maintain a friendship. I might not talk to my friends from Buffalo everyday but it's nothing but love between us and when we do link back up its like not a day has passed. Truth is, people get busy and have to create new lives so your real friends will understand, if y'all can't talk daily.
Lastly, when moving from place to place you're bound to lose people and that's life. The people you lose weren't meant to be in your life. To be honest, losing people isn't a bad thing. Sometimes some people just grow apart. Don't feel alone, continue to make new friendships with new people, and make the best of each move. I'm rooting for you to feel better!
p.s. There's so many opportunities I've gained from my moves in the past. So many things I don't know how I could have accomplished without moving out of NY.
