Stop Allowing Pride And Fear To Keep You Stuck
A Closed Mouth Doesn't Get Fed
Last weekend, my mom and I took a road trip to Charlotte, for my friends bbq/engagement party. The whole weekend was filled with love and memories. Of course, we had some nights out, along with brunches and dinners. As we were on our way back home, I had an encounter in the bathroom that brought the word of God to life, literally. I was waiting in line for the bathroom, and had to go so bad, it was only one woman in front of me. About four minutes went by, somebody new walked in and asked if I was in line, I said, yes, and she said no. Turns out, she was waiting for her granddaughter to come out. This small mishap, opened my eyes to the possibilities that I could have been missing, just by not opening my mouth. Had I asked her if she was waiting, I could have been used the restroom.
Most of you know, I start my morning with my devotional. For the past month, along with my devotional, I have been reading scriptures as well. I was struggling with identity for a while, and looked to the word for who God said I was. In doing so, I ended up creating a list of scriptures that I add to daily, and read fist thing in the morning. I say all this to say, one scripture that I have on my list, is Mathew 7:7-8, “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”
I read this scripture every morning, and it’s so simple, yet so many of us miss it. Maybe I’m the only one, but I have a problem of keeping things to myself. As a kid, my mom would always tell me, “I’m not in your brain, open your mouth and ask for what you need. Nobody can ever help you, if they don’t know what’s going on.” Maybe I had a pride issue, but I always would try to figure out things on my own, rather than asking for help. Not only did I keep my mouth shut when it came to asking for help, I kept my mouth shut when I wanted something too. I pride myself on being self-sufficient, but the reality is none of us know everything. We all are ignorant in some areas, and pride will have you thinking you don’t need anybody. Pride will also make you believe you can figure it out on your own, but we were not created to figure it out alone. God has blessed me with a village, to ignore that villages help is asinine. The most successful people pride themselves on there networks and circles. For me, asking for help was a sign that I wasn’t independent and was weak. The problem was that I found myself getting stuck and running around in circles by not asking for help.
Can I let you in a little secret? Pride is not the only thing that stopped me from asking for help and what I want. Fear is also a big chunk of this as well. When I first discovered this, I didn’t believe it. I felt like I was fearless. The more I sat with why I didn’t ask for what I wanted, it ultimately came down to fear.
Let me give you an example: When I was in college, I got three parking tickets. I didn’t have the money to pay them off at the time, but I told myself when I got paid I would. Each time I got paid, I would either forget, or have something else come up to pay. These parking tickets ended up increasing 4xs the original price. A few months later, they were mailed home and my mom called asking why I didn’t ask for help for the $25 ticket. In the moment, I told her because I was going to pay them on my own, or I thought they would just go away. Looking back, it was fear of letting her know that I didn’t have it, as to why I didn’t ask for help. I felt like I got myself into this mess, and I will get myself out. I was scared of the criticism she would give, and how she would react. Ultimately, I dug myself into a deeper hole by not asking for help, when I could have opened my mouth. I allowed the fear of admitting I fell short, stop me from asking for help.
That same fear and pride have plagued my life in adulthood. It wasn’t until I started to unpack them, that change started to occur. They even showed up, in ways that I was people pleasing. I wouldn’t ask for what I wanted, and settled for what was. Part of the reason I didn’t ask or say what I wanted was because I didn’t want to be disappointed. It was my way of protecting my feelings, which ultimately is fear! I read an article on Forbes, that said, “The reality is you will rarely, if ever, be given more than what you have the courage to ask for. So don’t dilute your requests in order to minimize the possibility of being turned down.” I don’t know where I came up with the lie that it’s too painful to hope that other people will be there for me so I planned on having to take care of things myself. I would expect the worse case scenario, to spare my feelings. Viewing life and people thru this lens only continued the cycle. If you expect the worse, the worse will happen.
Another thing I learned, is that God is a giving God. However, he wants you to ask. So many times, I have desires, but fail to speak them out loud. We already know the tongue is so powerful, speak the things you want. If I’m being honest, I hate being told no, it’s part of the reason I don’t like asking others for anything. I’m working on not taking the word no, so personal. Even with God, he isn’t a magic genie that answers all your requests, he can say no. When God says no, it can mean not right now, he has something better coming, or it isn’t meant for you. It’s hard in the moment, but know that he knows your story and it’s all working together for your good.
I say all this to say, stop letting fear and pride keep you stuck! You don’t get an award for being”self-made,” and to tell you the truth nobody is. A closed mouth doesn’t get fed. Dr. Maggie Warrell once said, “Asking for less than you really want - from yourself, from others and from life - doesn’t serve anyone. So I dare you - try asking for what you really want. Who knows… you might just get it!” Open your mouth and ask God for the things you want and need. Use the resources, your circle and network, God has blessed you with. Sorry to bust your bubble, but you don’t know everything. It wasn't until I started opening my mouth and asking God for what I wanted, that things started to shift! You're not stuck, you just haven't specifically asked for what you want. If it's aligned with Gods will, it will be yours.
