The Importance Of Learning Your Love Language

Discovering your own primary love language is so important. Some people know their love language immediately, and others will have to really reflect to find it. What makes you feel loved the most? The first step to finding your love language, is to look at how you love others. How do you show love to your friends, partner, or family? Second, reflect on what you complain about the most. In previous relationships, I would always complain about not needing a holiday to get a gift. I would also always complain about them doing things without me asking. That was when I discovered my primary love language of receiving gifts and my secondary love language of acts of service. If you still haven't discovered your primary love language after doing the first two, try to visualize your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend. Your idea of the perfect partner should give you some idea of your primary love language. Lastly, think about your childhood. How did your parents show love to you? If they didn't show love how you wanted, how did you want them to love you? Once you discover your primary love language try listing them out from most important to least important. Push come to shove, try doing a process of elimination. Once you're done, click here to take the love language quiz to see how your answers match. 

In regards to romantic relationships, contrary to popular belief, the obsessional "in love" phase doesn't last forever. After the "in-love" phase ends, (1-2 years after the initial relationship) the real love comes in. In order for that to come in, you must chose to love that person. Choosing to love a person requires effort and discipline. This is where the five love languages come into play. One of my biggest struggles in past relationships, was pushing my love language onto my partner. I would gift them just because gifts and go out of my way to do things that I knew they would like. Of course they liked it, but it wasn't relaying the message of I love you, because it wasn't their primary love language. For example, if your primary love language is quality time, and someone is gifting you every week, but always working, although it would be nice, wouldn't show you that they love you. Discovering your partners primary love language is CRUCIAL. It'll most likely be different than your love language, and will take work to do, but it will make your partner happy. It's so easy to try and love our partners how we want to be loved, but you can't do that. Some people think that if they love their partner how they want to be loved, it'll make their partner start loving them that way, but that's not true at all. I recommend, taking the love language test and sharing your results with your partner. If you're into leisure reading, try reading the book for a deeper explanation. 

Love languages are so important. Choosing to love someone in their love language, might not come naturally, but will make a huge impact. What happens when you try to speak English to a person who speaks Chinese? It's a disconnect. The reason your relationship might be off, could be that you're not speaking each others love languages. After reading this book, my eyes have been completely opened. It's crazy how for some people, their love language will even go back to their childhood. Growing up, my mom loved me with all five love languages and the ones that always stood out were when she would buy me a gift and do something for me. I encourage all parents to love their children with all five love languages, because it'll teach them how to love others who have different languages. Dr. Gary Chapman has other books about love languages, and I can't wait to read them all. I love watching people take the test and having that aha moment.