You’re Not Stuck, You’re Just Telling Yourself the Same Story
You Can’t Live Differently If You Still See Yourself The Same
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Since I was younger, I’ve always told people I was a picky eater. I’d say I eat like a child and rarely switch it up. Whenever I’d go out to eat, my friends already knew, I was probably ordering chicken. It got to the point where people could look at a menu and say, “Yeah… she’s not eating anything here.”
But within the last two years, I started experimenting more with food. When I’d go out to eat alone, I’d try something new, even if it was just a side. I learned I actually enjoy more than just chicken. Every time I tried something, I didn’t always like it, but I was putting myself out there. And eventually, I even realized, I actually like fish. After years of saying I don’t eat it.
The crazy part? I was doing all of this on my own, and the people around me had no idea. So when I’d go out with friends, they’d still say, “You know you don’t eat much, you eat like a child.” And subconsciously, I’d fall right back into it, ordering the same thing and repeating the same cycle.
It wasn’t until I ordered salmon one day and they were like, “Whaaaat?”and I told them I’d been trying new things, that everything shifted. They stopped saying it, and I stopped believing it.
And that’s when it clicked for me. In life, we are what we think.
Because I believed I was someone with a limited palate, my actions aligned with that. But when I started telling myself I was someone who explores new things, and actually believed it, my behavior followed.
Now let’s take it beyond food.
We are constantly evolving. You have the right to change your mind… but only if you believe you can. Whatever you believe about yourself, your actions will align with it. The belief has to change before the behavior does.
For example, if you know me, you know I’ve always been extremely late. And when I think about the woman I want to be, she’s punctual.
I don’t even like being late. I hate rushing. But somehow, that’s been my rhythm forever. So lately, I’ve been more intentional, planning ahead, giving myself extra time, trying to slow down. I won’t say I’m perfect, but I’ve improved. I’m not 30 minutes late anymore, it’s more like 10. Growth.
Another thing I had to confront was my identity in being “the helper.” I’m naturally someone who shows up for people. But over time, I started to believe that was my worth. If I wasn’t helping, I didn’t feel valuable. I developed a savior complex without even realizing it. And it was exhausting.
I had to really sit with myself and ask, why do I think my worth is tied to what I do for others? That was an identity problem.
Because when your identity is rooted in what you do, you’ll run yourself empty trying to maintain it. I had to learn that my identity isn’t “the helper.” Yes, I can help… but I’m not the source.
I’m not God. And trying to play that role in people’s lives, even subconsciously, will drain you every time.
Your thoughts are powerful. The Bible says, “As a man thinketh, so is he.” And I’ve said this before, but everything in life starts with being, not doing.
The world teaches us to do more, fix more, achieve more, but God is concerned with who you are. Because who you are will determine what you do, and ultimately what you have. You can’t become who God called you to be if you don’t believe it first.
Think of it like this, we’re like sponges. As we go through life, we absorb things people say about us, things we experience, and even things we tell ourselves, whether they’re true or not.
But the story you believe? That’s the one you act on.
If you believe your life is pointless, you won’t try. If you believe “that’s just how I am,” you won’t change.
Sometimes people label us, “you’re mean,” “you’re funny,” “you’re this,” “you’re that,” and we carry it. We either shrink into it or overcompensate for it.
And I’m not saying everything people say about you is wrong. I’m saying you have to learn to challenge the stories you tell yourself.
For so long, I believed the story that I’m always late, and that’s just how I am. Instead of getting to the root of it and changing it, I accepted it. But just because you’ve been a certain way, doesn’t mean that’s who you have to stay.
Whether it’s a story about who you’ve been in the past, or a lie that never belonged to you in the first place, you have to test it. Is this true? Or is this just what I’ve been telling myself?
I’ve gotten to a place where now, whenever someone says something about me, whether joking or serious, I take it to God in prayer and ask, “Is this who I am?” And if it’s not, I don’t agree with it. Not out loud. Not in my thoughts. Not in my actions. Because agreement is powerful.
Write down who you believe yourself to be. And then ask yourself, is this actually true, or is this just the story I’ve been repeating? Because the truth is, a lot of us aren’t stuck, we’re just loyal to an outdated version of ourselves.
And if you’re honest, some of the things you believe about yourself didn’t even come from you. So now the question becomes, what would change in your life if you stopped agreeing with that version of you?
If it’s not who you want to be, you don’t have to keep claiming it. You can choose a new story. You can believe something different. And little by little, your life will start to reflect that.
