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Editing Your Circle
Dymond Phillips • Jun 24, 2019
"Show me who your friends are, and that will tell me who you are."
This week I wanted to talk about friendships. When you study successful people, you learn that they are not afraid to edit their circle. They are constantly moving forward, and once they see who has served their purpose, they cut ties. I listened to Myleik Teele's podcast and something she said stood out to me, "Successful people don't let people hang around who don't deserve to be there." They know the value of people being around them, so they don’t want people around just to be around. Successful people only hang with people who feed them and who make them better. Some people are afraid to let go of relationships that are not working, whether that's with.a friend or a boo. I understand that we all love our "day ones", but that isn't an excuse. The people you were in the sandlot with are not always supposed to be the ones you go to business meetings with. Sometimes we start with people who are not meant to get to the finish line with us. Some friends are made for a season or a chapter of our life, not the full story. As you grow and become better, your friendships should become better too. It all starts with you. Your circle of friends should be a direct reflection of you. If your circle is not elevating and evolving with you, why are you holding on to deadweight? If someone isn't making you better, they're making you worse, it’s no in between!
When I was younger, I used to think I could only have one friend. That one friend and I, would do everything together. When that one friend would hang with other friends, I would get so jealous and upset. I was a possessive friend, maybe because I was the only child. My mom used to always tell me, "It’s ok to have multiple friends. (*insert friend name here*) does not have to be your only friend. You don't own them." It wasn't until, maybe last year, that I understood this. Now, I have school friends who I've grown with over my four years. I have work friends, who have turned into more than work friends. I have adult business friends, and we click like we’ve known each other for years. I even have childhood friends, who don’t live in the same city as me, but we connect as much as we can. I say all this to say, it’s ok to continue to get new friends. Drake's song, No New Friends, was the soundtrack to my life. Once I hit adulthood, I thought I was done making friends. I was stagnate with my friendships because I thought all I needed was my "day ones." I also, saw the good potential in everybody. I had to learn, if someone doesn't want to be better, I can't force them. I wasn’t getting to the next step, because I wasn't editing my circle. You must be ever-changing with relationships, stop holding on to people who bring no value to your life. If you never change your friends, you’ll never get better. The goal is become the best version of yourself, how will you reach that without editing your circle?
Another thing I’ve learned over the years, is the value of relationships. I had to take a step back and look at myself, I was the bad friend. I wouldn't make time for my friends. I wouldn't ask my friends how they're doing. I wouldn't even talk to them, unless I felt like it. It was very bad. It is essential to nurture different relationships you have in your life. They shouldn’t be transactional. Meaning, you shouldn’t only talk to your friends when you need something, that isn’t a friend. The same way you want your friends to be there for you, you have to be there for them. You have to show up for your friends, even when it inconveniences you. I may not always want to talk, but when my friends call me, I answer if I can. If I can't, I get back to them before the end of the day. I currently have some friends who have businesses and I support them. I don't always support them by buying the product, but I support by attending their events, motivating them and helping them network. I also have friends who have just graduated and want to relocate so I help them by sending jobs, apartments and holding them accountable. I even have some friends who just want to bounce ideas off me and I just listen. Being a friend is knowing when to show up and be there. Being a friend for me, isn't always "hanging out." I like having friends who keep me focused and push me to my best self. I don't have friends who are yes men and who want to gossip all day. Identify the type of friends you want, then look at the type of friends you have. If your friends don't match up to your beliefs and values, why are y'all friends? Most importantly are you being deadweight to your friends? You have to ask yourself if you're genuinely a good friend, if not change it! My mommy always tells me I'm not an island and as I get older I understand her more and more.
