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I'm Over It, I'm Done
dymond phillips • Jul 31, 2017
You already know, I'm from Upstate New York. Last Thursday, I had to go back to get my car inspected since I still have a NYS license and NYS tags. I went by myself for two days and stayed with my grandfather while I was there. Am I the only one who will dead a situation and just say I'm over it and whoever was involved? That's a little hard when it comes to family. Let me tell you a story. A few years ago (three or four) my grandfather and I got into our first heated "argument." I honestly can't remember all the details, I just know I came to spend the summer in New York and was staying with him. One of my cousins was in town too and I was with her a lot. I was supposed to leave on certain day but I ended up changing it and I didn't tell my grandfather. I just went to get my stuff from his house to take it to my cousins house and in the midst of me doing that he asked what time I was leaving that weekend and I told him that I was just staying at my uncles house. The conversation went left after that, he started yelling and I was getting loud too. Then he hit me (Not like a black eye smack just a lighter smack.) Tears began to fall from my face from all the anger and I stormed out. After that situation he came to my uncles house and we didn't speak.
After talking to my mom she told me call and apologize after about two weeks later. After talking to him, he explained that he was feeling like I was trying to be sneaky and play him. Nobody wants to feel played so I understood why he did what he did. But as time went on, I felt myself becoming more and more distant from him because I was over the situation and "over him" in a sense. After that situation happened, we were still around each other many times, but it's always been that one thing that's hindered us from being close again. Anywho, this last time that I was there we had a deep conversation about never settling with just the two of us. Towards the end of the conversation he said, "You know I just want to apologize for our little situation we had before, I felt played and nobody wants to feel like they're getting lied to in their face." I told him it's ok I was over it. But he responded by saying, "I know it's old we just never got to talk completely about it and move forward. I just wish that never would've happened." We went back and forth and talked about it and ended it by laughing and making jokes.
That conversation got me thinking, I have to get better with being so dismissive of people when things happen. Sometimes, I need to talk about it because being over it will leave a elephant in the room when you and the person will continue to be in each other's lives. That had me thinking about other relationships with family members, friends and even boyfriends that I cut off without completely healing from. It also made me think about forgiveness. Forgiveness is sooooo important not for the person but for you. Holding on to grudges and situations will only make you numb to situations and people. Nobody wants to go thru life cutting off people but holding onto situations. You can carry that burden into other aspects of your life and who wants that. My grandfather is a great man and has always been a wonderful father figure in life. He has done and continues to do any and everything for me so it makes me feel guilty and wrong for being so distant from him. Hell, I'm on his phone line so he pays for my phone every month even when we weren't speaking. I'm happy that we finally got to talk deeply about our issues and actually move forward without the pasts baggage!
