Blog Layout
Never Compromise Yourself For A Person
dymond phillips • Aug 02, 2017
So this week I tried something new. I allowed my readers and subscribers to send in topics that they wanted me to talk about; or stories that they wanted advice on via email or social media DM. I got about 10 suggestions that I intend to write about throughout the next couple of weeks. I'm very happy that people are starting to really engage with my website, that's what it's here for. First I wanted to start with this one,
"Hi Dymond, I been single for about two years now I'm in my 20's and being on twitter, Facebook, even Instagram all of my peers are like forcing me to feel bad since I'm not all boo'ed up. Every where I turn everybody is in love showing off they boyfriend/girlfriend. Sometimes it makes me feel lonely being single but my last two relationships the guys were horrible. As I've gotten older my self worth has increased I promised myself that I will no longer allow men to lower that. At first I thought I was doing the right thing but now i'm starting to rethink that because I've been single for a couple months and trying to find a man with everything I'm looking for is hard. Within this year I've dated a few boys but none of them have made it out of round one. I've lowered some of the restrictions on my list but now I feel like I'm compromising myself for a man. What should I do.?"
Hey girl, well first stop searching for a man! I'm actually single now and I completely understand what you're saying. It seems like everybody around me is in a relationship on social media. Sometimes it does make me want to be in one but then I think about all the wrong that comes with being with the wrong person and I quickly get over it. I say stop looking for a man because once you stop lookinga good man will come to you. Never chase a man, you're the chase not him, allow the man to chase you. Being single is the time for you to focus on you and your goals/dreams. This is your time to grow, practice self love. Let me tell you, it's a blessing to be able to work towards your goals without distractions. Don't get me wrong, there are many men out here that will help you work towards those dreams but there's also some who will distract you.
My self love is extremely high because I know my worth and I've allowed too many boys to disrespect that. I'm excited that I've finally gotten to a place, with my ex's help, where I'll no longer compromise who I am or my dreams just to keep a man around. Before my ex, I was really gullible and in a place where I almost "craved" being in a relationship. My ex A, was the first guy that treated me how I deserved to be treated. I wasn't used to guys motivating me, and treating me like the queen I am. If I'm being honest, I used to be the "sugar mommy" in relationships. I don't know why growing up, I would equal love to money. I thought the more money I spent on a guy the longer he would stay with me. I thought if I bought a guy gifts randomly, he wouldn't leave me because there aren't many females doing that. Don't ask why I couldn't give you the answer because I honestly don't know. It took me to get to college and grow for me to realize that, that isn't true.
I can remember being 12 giving away my birthday money to somebody I was "talking to." As time went on, I began to give more and more money to guys who didn't deserve me. I think it was because growing up saying that's my "boyfriend" was the cool thing. But let's be real lol whats a "boyfriend" in the 6th grade besides the title. Fast forward to high school I always was the homegirl buying the guy and his friends food. Once again dumb Dymond trying to get your friends to like me. In reality your boyfriend's friends aren't your friends they're his! Then this bad trait of "buying a boys love" got worse as high school continued and I began working. I began dealing with a guy who I was always cool with and when I tell you I would give my last to this man I mean every penny. Whether it was buying food, clothes, shoes, hell even a damn MCM book bag for I would give my last. Maybe because, I thought the more I spent the more he would want to make me his girlfriend. But every time I looked up he wouldn't do the same, he was super disrespectful. We were never in a relationship because I allowed him to get "comfortable" in the talking stage for two years. He would even get girlfriends and shove it in my face. Being that we weren't "together" I always thought I couldn't get mad. The point of me telling you all this is because you're worth is soooooo much more. Don't allow men to devalue your worth because he just so cute or whatever. I had to get to a point where I filled that "love" of the relationships with love for myself. Don't be like me, it took me years to break my cycle. Honestly, without my ex coming in my life and showing me my worth and actually showing me how a man is supposed to treat me, I don't know if that cycle would be broke.
That's why now my focus is my relationship with God, my brand, school, and bettering myself because I can't continue to focus on "finding someone." I think, we get so wrapped up in "finding" someone that we tend to lose ourselves. We are in our 20s, we are young, what's meant for you will always be for you. God will bring someone into your life that is your equal or better. You won't have to lower your "standards" because he will be your match. You need to treat yourself like you're all that and a bag of chips because you're worth it. Let me tell you one more quick story, my mom had me very young. And growing up she went through different relationships searching for that "love." She was on the verge of settling for someone who was a good man but didn't make her happy. Then God brought my stepdad into her life. When I say that he is her equal, I mean that he is the one for her. She's completely herself around him and they act like partners. Their bond and love is unconditional. My step father respects and loves my mother completely, and shows that love to her daily. That's something to truly admire! I told you that because, I want you to never settle. Don't settle with anything relationships, school, your goals, ANYTHING. Always push for the top because you can do it. You can do all things thru Christ that strengthens you. Always remember that. I hope my story and past can help you realize that you don't need a man to validate you. Focus on you and when the time is right the person who is meant for you will find you! Pick up your crown, it's starting to slip.
